Listening to advice and giving it kindly
Advice should be kind, clear and honest. Use I think you should … when you are fairly sure, and If I were you, I would … when you imagine yourself in the other person’s place. Always say were after if, even for I. You can add a reason: If I were you, I would say no, because you need your notebook for tomorrow. Soften your advice with polite words: Maybe you could …, Why not …? A healthy boundary is a limit that protects you: it is fine to say no to a friend who always borrows things without returning them. To refuse politely, use a short reason and an offer: I am sorry, I need it today, but I can lend it to you on Friday. When you listen to advice, note the problem, the advice and the reason. Listen for words such as should, why not and the best thing is.
| Purpose | Phrase | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Fairly sure | I think you should … | I think you should ask your teacher. |
| Imagine yourself | If I were you, I would … | If I were you, I would say no. |
| Softer | Maybe you could … | Maybe you could lend it on Friday. |
| Polite refusal | I am sorry, but … | I am sorry, but I need it today. |
Good afternoon. My name is Mr Karam and I am a school counsellor. Last week a student told me about a friend who always borrows his notebooks and pens but never gives them back. The student felt unhappy, but he did not want to lose his friend. I told him that a good friend respects limits. I think you should speak calmly and say, I am happy to lend you things, but please return them the next day. If I were you, I would also keep one spare notebook at home, so that you are never without one. If your friend still forgets, you can tell him honestly that you will stop lending things for a while. A boundary is not unkind; it protects a friendship.
Advice card. A friend says: “A classmate always copies my homework.” Write three pieces of advice. Use I think you should …, If I were you, I would … and Maybe you could …. Then say them aloud to a grown-up in a kind voice.